Perhaps Love?

(3/09)
There was a night
Three years ago
When everything could have led
To a fairy tale sight.

I had the dress
You had the smile—
It sucks me in every time
But I did what I do best and created stress

Ran away from me and you
And obsessed over some one else
“Walk by him with me”
“He’ll see if we walk through”

Never knowing I’d leave town
Spend nights under other boy’s covers, and
Rally against the world of patriarchy you uphold,
Only to think of that night, that gown.

At home we talk over coffee cups
In front of my boyfriend’s ex
A triangle of confusion
And road-to-nowhere start-ups.

No more dates for you as words of excitement about The One
Leave your mouth in a swarm
Each one pummels my heart exposing truth.
The sting remains long after your talk is done.

I try to think of it as a phase
(Remembering mention of a large family—)
But the family is pre-made and segregated
With no place for me and my feminist ways.

So nothing passes my lips that comes from my heart
I speak with my head and we talk of philosophy, school, the church.
All the while I dream of hugging and closeness and holding your hand in mine.
But this is the end, there’s no restart.
When the chance was alive I passed
And so forever we’ll live apart.